The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
