take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.