I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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