Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.