so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.