WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
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so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters