Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
