I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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