i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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