she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
