He is like the real live version of the state fair..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
