I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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