why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
