I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
