her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
