saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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