yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
