you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
