I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
