Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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