You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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