Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
