her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
