Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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