UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
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Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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