I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
