We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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