I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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