5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
