after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
