Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
