He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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