Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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