Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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