well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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