If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
