He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
