If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
