it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
