the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
