'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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