If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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