u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
