I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
