Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
