Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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