dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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