Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
