It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
