My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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