batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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