Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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