Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
