I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
