I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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