I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
