pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
