You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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