i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Who died my cat blue again?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
