Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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